Whenever disaster strikes, the angry prophets of the Old Testament God soon follow, preaching the gospel of divine retribution. Whether it’s Jerry Falwell blaming Katrina on abortion, or Pat Robertson blaming the Haiti earthquake on that nation’s “pact with the devil,” or the loathsome Phelps and their “God Hates Fags” campaign, the message is the same: atone for your sins America, or face the wrath of the Lord!
So extending this theo-logic, one is tempted to ask: Why does God hate Alabama? According to a recent Gallup poll, Alabama is the most conservative state in the nation, an ideological disposition that presumably would place it squarely on the side of the Lord. So why would God so cruelly scrape his fingernail across the countryside of Christian Alabama, rather than bringing down the liberal sinners of Western Washington?
I mean, what else could explain disasters like hurricanes and tornadoes than an act of God? Other than, you know, meteorology.
“Now, there’s one thing you might have noticed I don’t complain about: politicians. Everybody complains about politicians. Everybody says they suck. Well, where do people think these politicians come from? They don’t fall out of the sky. They don’t pass through a membrane from another reality. They come from American parents and American families, American homes, American schools, American churches, American businesses and American universities, and they are elected by American citizens. This is the best we can do folks. This is what we have to offer. It’s what our system produces: Garbage in, garbage out. If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you’re going to get selfish, ignorant leaders. Term limits ain’t going to do any good; you’re just going to end up with a brand new bunch of selfish, ignorant Americans. So, maybe, maybe, maybe, it’s not the politicians who suck. Maybe something else sucks around here… like, the public. Yeah, the public sucks. There’s a nice campaign slogan for somebody: ‘The Public Sucks. Fuck Hope.’”—We here at Abandoned Sandals HQ concur.
George Carlin: Once a great comedian, always a speaker of the truth. (via winstonwolfe)
“The fact is, Atlas Shrugged: Part I is a bomb. It cost 10 million to make, it brought in 1.7 million, total, this weekend and it’s going to plummet to nothing next week. If Objectivists think they’re going to make up the difference on DVD sales, they’re dreaming. Nobody wants to watch this movie.”—Paul Constant